Not All Fairy Tales are True

Not All Fairy Tales are True

We all remember reading all the old fairy tales or having them read to us. Some were even made into movies or full length cartoons. Some were changed from the original story to make it a better narrative for a movie. We knew  the stories and were enchanted with the tales of enchanted forests, brave princes and beautiful princesses. All adventures made to thrill and entertain the young and even some of the old. But, did we ever check to see what was the origin of these old fairy tales? Luckily for those who are reading this, you will now be told the truth about these stories.

Let’s start with Little Red Riding Hood. She was taking a basket of goodies through the forest to her grandmother’s house. Grandma was not there and the wolf was in the bed posing as old granny. Quite the story, no wonder they called it a fairy tale. No one ever bothered to check up on Red’s story. What really happened was this. All that walking through the woods to grandma’s house really got her pretty tired and very hungry. Red stopped at little park bench in the woods, she cracked open the basket to see what was in there. When she spotted the fried chicken, potato salad, and cherry pie, she could not control herself. She went to work on the comestibles and before you could say, big bad wolf, the basket was quickly emptied of all the goodies. Now what was she to do? While she was picking her teeth and trying to figure things out, she saw a dwarf cutting through the woods, and heading in the general direction of grandma’s hovel. Red stopped him. She asked him if he would like to make some fast cash. The dwarf was short in more ways than one, and it was a couple days till payday. So, Red gave the dwarf, who’s name was Kenny, two silver doubloons from her purse. She told Kenny to stop by her grandmother’s house and tell her that Red was being chased by an ugly, bad wolf and could she find a hunter to come over and save her. Kenny agreed and was soon on his way. Red then took the long way to her grandmother’s house. The rest was easy. When she got to the cottage, granny was gone looking for a guy to shoot the wolf. Red sat at the kitchen table and dumped over the basket and spread the leftover crumbs on the table and broke the lid on the basket. She then practiced crying and proceeded to wait. She was reading a comic book, when she heard someone coming. She laid on the floor and started crying. When grandma came in, she gave her the story about the wolf in the bed in her clothes, and how the wolf chased her around and ate all the food. She told a tale of how she finally chased it out the door with a big broom. Grandma consoled her and said that the hunter who went looking for the wolf, actually came across him while he was sleeping under a tree and let him have it with both barrels. So an innocent wolf was plugged, Red got the food, and they all lived happily ever after.

Another fairy tale that was rewritten completely for the movie version was Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Just some of the discrepancies from the original were: there were not seven dwarfs but at least 14. They completely wrote them out of the final script, they left out Dumpy, Stinky, Cheesey, Tony, Vic, Nosey, Shrimpy, and maybe a few others. They were coal miners who supplied coal for the local palaces. They were not happy go lucky guys, who sang on the way to work. It was a tough job and they hated it. When Snow White showed up, they were going to send her packing, but she did wow them with her cooking skills, so they did agree to let her stay till she was able to find a better situation. The old queen,  jealous of Snow, showed up at the cottage when the boys were at work.  She didn’t have a poison apple to give Snow, but it was a whole apple pie. She was supposed to share it with the dwarves, (as the queen had a bone to pick with them as well) and serve it with dinner. Snow White let her well known sweet tooth get the better of her, and soon polished off the whole pie with a pot of coffee. When she passed out, she thought it was from over eating. When the dwarves came home, they found her on the floor with the empty pie tin. They were unhappy that dinner wasn’t ready, but when they couldn’t revive Snow, they knew something was up. Nosey then spied an old tennis shoe that the queen left behind when she ran away after hearing the dwarves marching up the hill.   The boys got out the dogs and tracked down the queen. They beat her up to get her to tell them if there was a cure to bring back Snow White to life. After a little more convincing, she told them about the kiss of a prince and then they heaved her over the cliff. On the way back home, they found a wandering prince who was lost and trying to find his way back to his kingdom. They explained their predicament and the prince agreed to return with them as long as they would show him the way home. He said his name was Prince Sal of Hepitica. Prince Sal came into the cottage and gave Snow White a sincere kiss on the lips and she came back to life. A couple of the dwarves took Prince Sal back to his kingdom, Snow White got back up and made dinner and they all lived happily ever after.

There are a number of other fairy tales that have been editorialized and adjusted for modern consumption in movies and children’s books. Another quick example would be the story about Goldilocks and the three bears. As the story went, she was a cute kid and stopped off at the three bears house & sampled the porridge on the table till she found one “just right” and the same with the chairs and then the bed. Well, the real story was a bit different. Old Goldie, who was actually a bottle-blonde, was cutting through the woods and came across the house of the three bears. She peeked in the window and saw that no one was at home. So she snuck in the front door and saw the three bowls of porridge on the table. She quickly devoured all three bowls. That was not enough for her and only whetted her appetite for more, as Goldilocks had not had a decent meal in over a week, due to some recent bad luck. She looked in the fridge and saw some cold cuts and cheese and had a couple sandwiches. On a shelf she saw a bottle of hard cider which she drained to wash down the fresh boysenberry muffins that she found. After all this heavy eating, she wandered upstairs and passed out on the beds up there. When the three bears returned from their outing, they were famished and papa bear yelled: “ mother, it’s time to put on the feedbag, let’s have some supper.” Mother bear went to the fridge and screamed: “..we’ve been cleaned out, no food in there, the porridge is gone, so are the muffins and the cider jug is empty!” Well papa bear let out a roar, and baby bear started crying and all this racket woke up the sleeping beauty upstairs. A terrible brawl ensued, Goldilocks was getting her clock cleaned by the tag team of mama and papa bear, when Goldie noticed papa bear’s bowling ball, she leapt across the room and let papa bear have it right in the  7-10 split and when mama went to help him, Goldie pulled mama bear’s girdle over her head and gave her a rabbit punch for good luck. She dashed for the door, but not before she picked up little baby bear to take with her as a hostage. When she got back to the village, she jumped on her bike with baby bear in her basket. She came across a traveling circus, and after a short negotiation, sold baby bear for a pretty price and had enough money to open a nice shoppe in the big city. The end.

All this information is readily available if you look in the right places.

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