Baby There’s Snow Outside
Now that the Christmas Season is officially over, I can finally write this without profaning the special time of year. Snow, it can be a four letter word, loved by some deplored by others and unknown to a small minority around the world. Snow, what about that stuff? For some there’s snow business like Snow business. Skiers, snowmobilers, winter tourists, little kids with snowball fights in mind, skaters, and finally those silly song writers, of which we hear so much of their efforts pouring forth from our radios at this time of the year. Now I like a good old Christmas carol or song better than most. I love to hear Silent Night, Adeste Fidelis, O Come all Ye Faithful, even the Little Drummer Boy. It’s those other non-Christmas songs that fill the airwaves during the Christmas season that really frosts my mistletoe.
There are a number of these offenders, so let’s get right to it. Let It Snow! Right. This guy is telling us to be happy with the snow and let it keep falling from the skies. The weather outside is frightful…it sure is, but that doesn’t bother them. They are painting a picture of a romantic scene by the fire and hoping it never stops snowing. The author is probably some person in southern California or Florida thinking about how nice it is to wish snow on those denizens of the chilly north lands. Maybe they should get out there and drive around in it or spend a couple hours shoveling some of that romantic white stuff. Now Irving Berlin was acclaimed as a great song writer, but he must have been desperate when he came up with that Snow song in White Christmas. They were riding on the train singing about Snow, Snow, Snow, we can hardly wait to see it snow. Something about wanting to wash their hands and face in the SNOW. I’d like to hear somebody up in Minnesota in January humming that tune. These people in the movie are likely not even dealing with real snow in the making of the movie, probably just a pile of Hollywood fake snow is where they are frolicking. But, once again they are repeating the mantra, we need the snow to have fun and be romantic. More false advertising.
Then there is that other annoying song… Baby, its cold outside. We don’t need a song to tell us that up here in the north. You can look at the calendar and know its likely to be pretty chilly out there. This song is just about some couple that are having a romantic evening and one of the parties doesn’t want the other to depart and uses the excuse that its cold outside, so maybe you should stay there. Ok, that’s fine, maybe the guy is a weatherman. But why do they play this song constantly at Christmas time as well? It has nothing to do with Christmas, it is just a winter song which can be played at anytime of the year.
Another old chestnut that is rolled out for consumption each Christmas season is Walking in a Winter Wonderland. Maybe way back in the olden days, people did that for a romantic treat. They are talking about going down to the meadow to build a snowman and call him Parson Brown. Most of the people that live around a meadow, are not likely to be out walking down there to build a snowman and running a name the snowman contest. Maybe you might let the kids make one in front of the house, but its doubtful that any couples are sauntering to the meadow in the winter to build a snowman. Here is another song on the playlists that has nothing to do with Christmas, but just about having fun in the snow. Good for them, go conspire by the fire and make your plans for walking in the snow.
I hesitate to bring up the next one, but it must be said. Most everyone likes good old Frosty the Snowman. I am sure he was a heckuva fun guy for the kids to hang out with. But his life eventually takes a bad turn when the sun comes out and turns him into a puddle of dirty water. If it wasn’t for his magical hat, we would not even care about him. Great story for the kids and glad they had fun making a snowman, but here is another non-Christmas ditty playing on your radio. Save it for February.
Now the next one on our playlist may not have even been considered , since it is a major player at this time of year. Have you ever listened to the lyrics of Jingle Bells? It is a great up tempo tune, (I give it a 7, but you can’t dance to it) but maybe it should be sung in January. These people are dashing around on a one horse open sleigh and having a great time cavorting across the fields in the sleigh. Not much of a Christmas song is it? Who even rides a sleigh these days? It should be updated to dashing through the snow in your snowmobile and make it a January favorite for all the snowmobilers to sing down at the bar at the end of a day of speeding across the trails.
There are some other minor players that we could consider, but are relatively unknown. Doris Day had one titled Snowfall, something about looking out the window at the snow falling. Another one that is related to Christmas, but was one that I hated to hear when I was a kid. It is really kind of a mean song for little kids to contemplate. I don’t think its played much anymore, but when I heard it as a youngster, it really put me into a worried state of mind. It was sung by Gene Autry , and was something about, What are we going to do this Christmas if there isn’t enough snow for Santa to get around, and whether he had to take a bus or a plane. Maybe these days there are few kids that still believe in Santa, but back in those days, it was something to really worry about, no snow for Santa. As adults, we don’t give a crap if Santa doesn’t have enough snow, but for little kids who believe, this was a terrible thing.
There are also those songs that might be Christmas related but can be irritating to hear for the 50th time in just a few days. Number 1 on my list is, Have a Holly Jolly Christmas by Burl Ives. When it comes on, I think I’d like to smack old Burl with a snow shovel to shut him up. I think he is long dead, so I won’t be doing it. I am not a member of BIM, (Burl Ives Matters). His voice bugs me too. Also I think about some of the movies he was in, and he never seemed to be much of a holly, jolly guy. Burl was in it just for the payday.
Another one is, Santa Baby. The original song wasn’t bad, Eartha Kitt did a great job on it. But recently it has been resuscitated by a myriad of female vocalists who make you shudder each time you hear it. They all have to give it their special take on it, and none of them does justice to the original by Eartha.
Finally, we have all the new made up songs. Some of these artists are so desperate to get a Christmas or Holiday album together, they just throw some stuff on the paper and hope that one of them works. They throw in some snow and wishing that their girlfriend or boyfriend was around, They are sitting in a pile of snow while their true love is somewhere frolicking in the sand in a warm spot. They sing about the good old days when they were in love and wish they had a sugar cookie for every time they kissed and fell down in the snow and made snow angels and watched the kids playing in the park. They kind of croon and whine and repeat the lyrics a couple times almost crying at the end and then a Kenny G, wannabe ends the song a a mournful note. Yikes.
My final wish is that they would not start playing Christmas songs as soon as the last little trick or treater has left the porches on Halloween. We are getting sick of many of the tunes even before December begins. The final insult is when they stop playing Christmas songs by six o’clock on Christmas day. It is time to start thinking about Valentine’s Day! Maybe they could transfer some of those Snow songs and make them Valentine’s day carols. Bah, humbug!